Ally's Awkward Life

hey.

just wanted to let you know..even tho you’ll never see this..never read this..and probs will never know…I’m deleting your number from my phone. I hate you. i have never hated anyone more in my life..I hate the way you made me feel the night you broke up with me. I hate the reason why you broke up with me. When the going got tough the weak got going. It’s not my fault that we had the scare. and I had every right to freak out every day. Alls I know is I hate that you give me no credit for going through it basically by myself. You were there…but you were in AZ..Alls you did was just get mad at me. AND ITS NOT FAIR. I hate that I still love you. I don’t love you for who you are know but for who you were. And I HATE that i do. Cuz i shouldn’t. I wish that you stayed with all my heart I wish you coulda look past my imperfections. I’m sorry I’m not pretty. I’m sorry I’d rather wear my yoga pants then wear dresses and jeans. 

I just hope one day that you can find a girl that lives up to your expectations. I know I didn’t. 

You know each night I go to bed thinking about how differently I could have handled that situation. How I shouldn’t of had a major freak out. I’m sorry i was terrified out of my mined. 

I go to bed thinking maybe if I was actually pretty you would care about me still..

Its been over three months since we broke up and I am still thinking about how i can change.

but finally I relaized that your not the one who Can do better then me…I can do better the YOU. I am going to find a guy who loves me for who i am. for all my imperfections for my yoga pants for my goofiness and for my bad days. FOR MY EVERYTHING.

SO this is my goodbye Lukas James. And I know I’m going to regret not saying any of this to you. but GOODBYE.

I really wish this whole just friends thing worked for me but i just can’t handle it anymore.